6. The Power of good Co-operation

It is obvious that if we educators do not get parents to co-operate with us it is impossible to solve the problems that lead the school refusing behaviour. Sometimes it is hard for parents to see what is the best thing to do in the long term. When we guide the parents, it is important to try to see their side of the case. In most cases their own child is suffering somehow. They can see that a child feels anxiety or gets somatic symptoms if they are forced to go to school. They also believe that the child is feeling better if they let them stay at home. That leads to a model where parents are allowing the child to stay at home. We must stop that harmful circle in a gentle but determined way, with the help of other professionals. We can show the parents that the only way to have good results is to help the pupil back to school. 

When we arrange meetings, it is important to tell the parents that we have seen many similar cases where a student has had a few absences first and then it has become chronic. We have to be honest and tell all the consequences that will result if their child drops out from school. In many countries there are also legal consequences to parents if the child is not going to school,  for example in Finland the parents can get a fine penalty. Try to be supportive and tell the parents that you will do everything that you can to help them to solve the problem.

“Try to be supportive and tell the parents that you will do everything that you can to help them to solve the problem.”

Task 11

Click the link and check out some good questions that you can ask in the meeting.

School Refusal Assessment Scale-Revised 

What are the most important questions in your work? Write them down. 

The Story of Maija from Mother’s Perspective

My child is lying on the bed and I am watching behind the window how the other children are rushing in their school buses and riding by their bikes to school. I feel chilly and nervous although my child is in her warm bed and other children are tightening their jackets and scarfs in the cold autumn weather. I should go to work too. I stop by in Maija’s room. I try to get her up, but she just turns her back for me.

It has been moths since Maija was at school last time. It all started so that Maija got headache during the school days and was forced to go to home. Then her headaches started to emerge at mornings. We went to see doctor’s and take all the possible test to see if there was physical cause to headaches. No reasons were found. The teacher was saying in school meetings that she has made a note that headaches are coming before physical education, music, or group work. We asked if Maija is feeling tense in these situations or is someone mean to her. She said constantly no. At some point I realized that Maija was more at home than in school. I got worried. I try to get my daughter to school although she complained about her headache. I try to force her to car, but she got panic attack. I could not take her to school.

I am tired to report my child’s absences to school. I understand that they had to ask and react because the basic education is obligatory. The teacher had to do notice to the social services and now we have regular meetings with the social workers. It has been hard to accept that I have no other choice but let those people to come in my house and to explore our life.

“I feel sad. I keep thinking all the great moments that my child misses when she is lying in her bed or watching tv at home.”

I feel sad. I keep thinking all the great moments that my child misses when she is lying in her bed or watching tv at home. She has lost her friends and that makes her condition worst. I manage to get her therapy but there is no progress so far. Maija does not say the reasons why she is so anxious and why is she refusing to go to school. I am so tired and I do not know if I can manage to do my own work anymore. My friend asked me to have a cup of coffee with her, I cannot go because I do not want to tell her about my daughter problems. I must admit that I am so ashamed.

The teacher called yesterday and told that she is arranging another meeting again. Of course, I had to say yes but I feel desperate what will that meeting change? I feel ashamed and it feels like they are thinking that I am lacking parenting. I think there is nothing that we adults could do to help my child.

Task 12

The feelings that mother has in the story are quite common among the parents of children with school absences. How could we as teachers offer empathy and support to parents to relief these feelings?

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